These videos highlight the moment that anxiety hits.
I filmed the videos through glass that has slight smudges on- this acts as a metaphor for the barrier between myself and the people I am perceived by. The smudges are important because it emphasises the fact there is something in between the camera and myself and shows that there it is not clear.
At the start for a short period of time the film is at normal speed but then transitions into slow motion- I wanted to make a clear distinction of the overwhelming effects of when anxiety starts. Often it is a result of social interaction, or even just the possibility of social interactions taking place. The slow motion marks the point where my mind is taken over by overthinking and physical symptoms.
I start the video at a position that shows my body, face and some background- it ends with my face very close to the camera. This explores the idea that anxiety is all in my head, and when it is present all I can think about is how I am reacting to it, how I am perceiving things, and I am reflecting my own thoughts onto other people. It’s bordering on narcissism, the frame is just my face.
Eye-contact with the camera is another aspect of exploring the anxiety in an emotive way. The amount of direct eye-contact with the camera changes to give the feel of avoiding the camera but then equally being aware of being watched. I want the viewer to feel uncomfortable for watching me.
This door is all I have to keep me safe from your gaze.
This wall is holding me still away from the world’s maze.
This window is how I leave without having to be seen.
This floor keeps me grounded when I’m stuck in between.
I can feel myself fading to your sweet embrace,
You hold me so tight never leaving my side,
You’re curled around my veins and pressed against my face,
Run down my throat and fill my mind.
I can feel myself fading, I’m no longer here,
Tranced in my limbo of a never ending fight
I need to come back, live without fear
And to see the world with a whole new sight