These videos are expressing how I feel when I cannot live my daily life as I want to because of the social anxiety.
I filmed the videos through glass that has slight smudges on- this acts as a metaphor for the barrier between myself and the people I am perceived by. The smudges are important because it emphasises the fact there is something in between the camera and myself.
At the start for a short period of time the film is at normal speed but then transitions into slow motion- I wanted to make a clear distinction of the overwhelming effects of when anxiety starts. Often it is a result of social interaction, or even just the possibility of social interactions taking place. The slow motion marks the point where my mind is taken over by overthinking and physical symptoms.
I start the video at a position that shows my body, face and some background- it ends with my face very close to the camera. This explores the idea that anxiety is all in my head, and when it is present all I can think about is how I am reacting to it, how I am perceiving things, and I am reflecting my own thoughts onto other people. It’s bordering on narcissism, the frame is just my face.
Eye-contact with the camera is another aspect of exploring the anxiety in an emotive way. The amount of direct eye-contact with the camera changes to give the feel of avoiding the camera but then equally being aware of being watched. I want the viewer to feel uncomfortable for watching me.
- multiple to portray its regular occurrence, the idea of this being something to LIVE with not just a one off.
- slow for the idea of loneliness, hopelessness, and change the dynamic of the room it is shown in.. for the viewer they are taken from normal time and step into my space and time.
- distortion of the face to signify the distortion of perception, distortion of who i am, and the intensity of the moment of anxiety.
- little sound- its another way to grab attention of the viewer and hear my silence. hear how i cant speak or do. silence can be quite a daunting and intense thing.
- when you reach a point where the anxiety is directly preventing you from living it is no longer a sense of hyperactivity but instead it is a dull, lonely pain.