Suffering social phobia means I am constricted to the four walls I feel safe in; my bedroom. I spend a lot, if not all of my time here and on the inevitable ‘bad days’ I spend most of my time in or on my bed. So, this piece is inspired by the times where I am craving to leave my room but feel trapped by my own irrational yet torturing thoughts.
In this piece, I have positioned myself on my bed with my head and hair dangling off the edge. My hair symbolises a number of things to me and in my work- in this piece my hair is the part of me that is trying to get away, trying to get that freedom and moving and landing on its own accord. The hair in this piece is a block colour that really portrays how leaned over I am and how much I want to leave. My body, however, is in a fixed position. On my wrists I have emphasised this by including two dark lines around my wrists.
These dark lines are my hair bands. I am never without a band on each wrist, this is another ‘safety’ of mine. I chose to include this and emphasise them for a number of reasons. I use my hair as a mechanism to hide myself from uncomfortable situations, prevent people from seeing my facial expressions/emotions and relieve the excruciating heat I get from embarrassing situations. So, I see my hair bands as being something that helps me in situations I struggle with and yet in this image it is not clear that is their function. The dark lines can also appear as restraints in the form of being tied down, which this image is exploring the idea of – the social phobia causes this feeling and so the lines emphasise that.
However, the restraint like lines on the wrists paired with the view of the female chest can be interpreted as bondage. I could have chosen for my body to be in any position and for the camera to be at a different angle, but I think it is powerful to have my body in the centre and in that position. I like the balance of the areas of my skin and then the large fall of hair.. I like the fact we can see the body and not just clothing. This piece isn’t about covering up- this piece is about expressing myself and how I feel tied down to my bedroom. The idea of bondage is welcomed because I think it can have significance to this piece, not in a sexual way but in a submissive way. As I said before, the bands are seen and felt as a security for me which is similar to how some people feel when bondage is applied; “The ropes can hug the body like a lover’s embrace creating a feeling that is secure and comforting.” (found online). On the other hand, the subject does not have a facial expression that exerts comfort – this could cause a feel of voyeurism. I am very open to this reaction to this piece because this is an intimate emotion and an expression of myself that I don’t talk about to others.